why do you wait for me?

Royalty

Marinah. I'm a vegetarian and I abhore animal abuse.
I can either be your Mary Poppins or your Tyler Durden, go figure.
I'm opinionated, pensive, intrepid and very very stubborn
I absolutely despise impudence, especially from those with no knowledge, talent or ideas of their own.
I'm anal about the use of language
Music and the deviant underground play a huge part in my life
Materialistic, but I believe in obtaining my own wealth, not depend on others.
Superficial at the very least, Judgmental at most
Currently, i'm just contented with my brain stimulated by literature, film and art
My heart filled with love by the PandaCat, my boys & bestfriends, pipi and my family
and my soul, exhilirated by the endless music and lyrics i'm exposed to daily

Reach Me

msn

at: kuchizuke__@hotmail.com (that's 2 underscores for you)
gmail

at: bitemeblondie@gmail.com

18 January, 2006 : this isn't meant for you

dear nobody,
maybe one day i'll get over myself. maybe one day, i'll be able to look at certain people and smile, without having that stabbing pain there. You tell yourself that you're ok, you've stopped listening to loveballads and sappygayguys yelping their heartfelt sorrows and you blast growling vocals and politically correct songs in your ear and you pretend to care about what they say. if you think i'm talking about a certain someone, you might be wrong.

there are certain things you experience in life that affects you to the very depth of your soul, but u just brush it away and pretend it's superfluous. you get on with life, a little hesitant, a little doubtful but you tell yourself you're strong. you refuse to bother those around u, more so the people you love the most and bury this thought far back in your head. but that's not how it works, does it? I've had closure with my past but no matter how hard you try, there are some thoughts that just crawl into your mind and cover it in darkness. These aren't the thoughts that make you cry because you're sad. These aren't the thoughts that make u reminisce. no. These are thoughts that make you question, yourself, most of all. The ones that make you look at yourself differently in the mirror, the ones that turn into someone else.

So you say I'm being ridiculous, overly-sensitive, dinky and naive. So you tell me get over it and move on. I can and I will but I guess sometimes, when thoughts do crawl back into my head, turn my world upside down, make me smile that saccharine sweet smile and speak in that flawless tone of voice, almost mannequin-like and oh yes, fake, please don't tell me i'm all of the above. I'm just being me. We're all picking pieces of ourselves, piece by piece. We have no idea what or who we are and we're never truly whole. And through this process of gathering yourself, we're never always graceful. so forgive me if sometimes i cry, and forgive me if i can't always be the person u want me to be.

bringing it all back down to a more personal level, there are times i wish i was stronger. but i'm not. no, i'm not those to dwell on things for more than they need dwelling but i still do. i think. i feel. i feel more than others, sometimes. and i feel more for others at times. yes, i have a heart like Lovealot Bear but sometimes this heart needs mending of its own.

sigh.

i fell in love again and i'm still floating in this endless dream, I squander up your happiness and steal your smiles. yes, i am happy for now. if only you were here with me, at the same place i am now.

Royalty

at: kuchizuke__@hotmail.com (that's 2 underscores for you)
gmail

at: bitemeblondie@gmail.com